Find Someone Whose Flaws You Can Live With

There it is: my number one relationship advice. It's not very romantic, I know. But it really says it all.

Allow me to explain.

In all my past relationships, there would be a time when I would call my best friend on the phone, crying about something my boyfriend at the time did. We've all been there: complaining that our significant other is a certain way, or does certain things, with which we are not happy.

For example: "He doesn't want to move in with me and we've been going out for two years!" Also, "He cheated on me and conveniently forgot to tell me!" Or, "He threw an "Ah Caramel!" cake at me because I'm not thin enough for him!" (That actually  happened).

Now, these are things no one in their right mind should tolerate. People do these sorts of things to the person they're with because they find fault with them, and instead of ending the relationship in a decent and respectful way, they treat them like crap.

Every time I called my friend after one of my crises, she would say the same thing: "Why do you stay with him then?" The answer was simple: because I was afraid of being alone. And that's why we all stay with someone who is not right for us, isn't it? We don't know what it will be like to go back to dating, when's the next time we're going to find someone, and so we continue with the relationship.

(Which actually explains the incredibly high divorce rate. People stay with someone they in all honesty can't stand, and they sometimes only realize it after they're married and have three kids. Then they're in a hurry to find someone else, form a reconstituted family, in which there are now six kids, and after one or two years they lose their minds and separate again. It's a real mess).

I had an epiphany on the day my best friend told me the following about my relationship with the man who is now my husband: "I know he's right for you because you haven't once called me on the phone, crying."

That's when I realized that it's not just about loving someone for their flaws; it's about being able to live with those flaws. And it's also about finding someone who will be able to live with yours.

I'm going to end with a quote from the fabulous Marylin Monroe, who, as her three divorces attest, unfortunately was never able to find someone who could live with her (ahem) imperfections.

What's the most important thing you've learned about relationships? Please leave a comment.